Education...a follow up to my reflections on adoption.

I would like to take this time to answer a question that someone asked. I would have liked to answer personally, but was unable to access the e-mail address... Odd, but maybe I was meant to answer here for other people to read as well.

A wonderful thing about pursuing an adoption with special needs is that you are able to select the needs that you and your family are comfortable working with. Before we submitted our dossier to China we thought that if we put that we were open to a child with special needs that the adoption agency or China would determine the child that they would place with our family and that we might not be able to handle the needs that such a child may have. We were afraid, and as other first time parents around the world do, we were hoping for a perfectly healthy child to bring into our home. (I mean adoption can be scary enough!) However we learned that there were waiting children on our agency’s list and we began to check out their waiting program. We learned that the parents find their child and that you are in control, even more so than in the non-special needs program because you get to choose your child! I know that there is something magical that happens in the matching room at CCAA, I’ve seen the beautiful families that they have helped build, but there is something awe-inspiring about finding your child on a waiting child list and wondering how other families could have passed him or her by. I mean how could they?! But you know, you know in your heart of hearts that this child, was meant to come home to your heart and your home. No other home would have been the right home? I know, I speak from experience, I saw the most beautiful little girl on a waiting list a few years ago, and I knew that she was special. However at the same time I KNEW that she was not meant to be our daughter, and something miraculous happened, she was matched with our friends. At the time we didn’t know that they were planning to adopt again, maybe they weren’t sure of it themselves. But when we heard that they had been matched with her we rejoiced! Anyways, on to the topic at hand…

How did we begin to educate ourselves about special needs and special needs adoption? This is after all a lifetime commitment that we are making to a child.







No Hands But Ours
On the left side panel of my blog you will find the button for No Hands But Ours (http://www.nohandsbutours.com/) this is a website dedicated to "providing encouragement, information, and support for families of the children who wait, and for those who wait no more. Replacing fear with knowledge. Replacing doubt with assurance. Replacing isolation with community. Replacing defeat with hope. This site offers basic information about the many types of "special needs" that children may have. They also provide links to other resources on the web to help you find more answers to your questions.


Rainbow Kids
Another valuable resource can be found at http://www.rainbowkids.com/ where they too have a myriad of information about lots and lots of special needs. They also have wonderful information for adoptive families in general, not special needs, just great information for adoptive parents. I really like this website and find useful things here frequently. In addition to information about special needs, they also have a pretty good resources section where you can find links to medical articles, adoptive parents who are willing to share from experience, and all other sorts of weblinks.



Yahoo Groups
I couldn't possibly tell about my educational experience without giving a shout out to my yahoo groups and the many "friends" that I have met online. Their stories inspired me. Their experiences challenged me. There are many marvelous groups for most of the special needs out there, as well as other groups that are just super supportive. My overall favorite group is Loving China's Children, we talk about our experiences, pray for each other, well it's basically like getting together with girlfriends, except better than girl friends because they are all going through adoption too, and sometimes our daily friends and loved ones just don't get it the way my friends do online. I have a lot of different support groups, but at the moment I find I don't have time to enjoy all of them, so I enjoy a few. Here are my current must reads... Loving China's Children (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LovingChinasChildren/) Adopt Cleft (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/adoptcleft/) In the past I found these groups useful as well Waiting SN Children China (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WaitingSNChildrenChina/?yguid=269617998) Club Foot Adoption (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/clubfootadoption/?yguid=269617998) At the time our agency had a waiting child yahoo group and we also learned a lot from talking with people about their experiences. Sadly our agency was a victim of the slow downs and economic woes. The new agency we were placed with did not (or does not) allow you to participate on the waiting child yahoo group until you are with the program (which seems odd to me, but is their prerogative, I guess, either way I was perturbed to be denied entry to the group when I was a client with the agency, as a post-placement adoptive parent preparing to submit a new application... Whatever, we aren't using them...)
So as you wait and consider a special needs adoption, or perhaps are considering adoption for the first time. Take your time, God will lead you to your child, the child who is meant to be a part of your family. If He leads you to a path you will feel a peace in the midst of stormy gales. I know that there are times I question some of the needs that we put on the list or wonder if we should have checked other needs to include more. However, I know God will bring the right child to us. I know that His timing is not my timing. It never has been, and it never will be. However, I am learning that His timing is perfect.

"As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the LORD? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.” 2 Samuel 22:31-33

The big day... (and a reflection on adoption)

Ok, we haven't packed our bags yet, and it may be some time before we are able to pack our bags and return to China, but we are on our way! Yesterday we took the a very big step towards adding another child to our family. We sent our application to Holt International Adoption. When we adopted Isaac we learned that "special needs" does not have to mean scary and unmanageable and with that knowledge in hand we are set to begin another "special needs" adoption. Every mother knows her child is special, and it is nice to know that the whole world agrees ;o) To date China has matched families whose paperwork was logged in as of March 30, 2006. Our original adoption paperwork was logged in with CCAA on August 30, 2006. There are still five months ahead of our original log in date, sadly we believe that we will be home with our second child before families who started the "non-special needs" adoption are matched with their children. We are always in prayer for these families, that God will give them peace and assurance that in His time, He will bring their children into their arms. We also pray that things in China will speed up for these families. However, in the mean time there are many, many children who wait in orphanags who are "special" and in need of a Mommy and Daddy to love them and take care of them.

It's just so amazing to see what love can do and as I look back over the past 14 months it is simply amazing to see how love and nurture have brought amazing changes to a little boy that 4 years ago I would have considered unadoptable because of my lack of knowledge. I shake my head in amazement of the many things I would have missed had I not allowed God to work in my heart and then take the time to educate myself about what the special needs program entailed. My heart breaks that there are children out there, waiting because other people have not educated themselves about special needs. I was surprised to find how many "special" people I already have in my life: family members, friends, co-workers, people that I can't imagine my life without. People that in different circumstances could have found themselves in an orphanage waiting and hoping for a family. We are so blessed to have insurance, even with the problems that exist in our system we have insurance. I ask myself, would Isaac's mother have been able to keep him as her son if she had the luxury of insurance like I do? I pray that God reveals Himself to her and that He comforts her heart with the knowledge of her son's beautiful smile and that he is in a loving home and is going to be a successful man.

Here he is, my boy. Such an energetic little man, so full of life. He has no idea that he isn't a good match for a game of basketball with Daddy and Big Gramps.

A few pictures

This mommy has been too busy to write or update the blog, but the least I can do is add some pictures of my sweet little boy. I can't believe how much he changes from day to day. He is getting better at practicing his words! He sings with me every night. I can't wait for his words to become clear so that I can understand him better. Thank God for sign language! It has definately been our life savor.Oh Christmas tree! Oh Christmas tree! How lovely are your branches!

Peek-a-boo is a fun game. Luckily for Isaac, Sebastian is a laid back kind of dog and takes it all in stride.

"Ok. That was fun, but I'm outta here!" I'm surprised that Sebastian was still in the shot. He did have the very important task of "protecting" Grandma from a very dangerous little boy! He knows that any attention given to Isaac is attention that will not come back to the dog. Poor Sebastian!

Mommy's little boy is growing bigger every day! I can't believe how tall he is! (That's almost 10 inches in just under 14 months!!!) Yes that is lime juice in his hands. He will open up the refrigerator and take out the lime juice. If he can get lemon juice he will drink that as well. He likes sour things. That's one of the fun (and strange) things that he learned from his favorite cousin Zoe.

My Coffee Miracle

If you are not into reading a long post you can scroll down to the end to read my miracle. The story below details my drama of why I even needed a coffee miracle to begin with. :o)

My Coffee Miracle

Each month I get an allowance. Usually I run out of money before I run out of month. I try to budget my money, but it always seems to get away from me. To try to figure out his phenomenon I decided to try to track where my money disappeared to. It’s amazing how fast it can go. Upon investigation I found that probably 80% or more of my allowance goes to snacks. You know a soda here, a coffee there, maybe a hamburger or fries at McDonald’s. Rarely do I have anything to show for my money at the end of the month, except for some extra pounds.

I figured I usually go to Starbucks every other month or so, and when I do it’s $4, so we’ll say $2 a month goes to Starbucks. Really $2 a month isn’t a big deal. It’s the rest that’s a big deal. If I only stopped at 7Eleven twice a week for coffee, and to be honest maybe a donut or a hotdog (yes I do like hotdogs at 7:30 in the morning!) I’m spending about $6.50 a week at 7Eleven or $26 a month! For a while I was buying a soda every day during my planning period at work. In a four week month I was putting $20 into the soda machine! No wonder I never had any money!!!

When I realized this, I made a decision. I was going to learn to make coffee at home so that I could save money. I made a special trip to the grocery store to buy coffee, creamer, and filters for my coffee maker. I own one, but didn’t own the things to go with it. In the morning I woke up and made some coffee, as it brewed I dreamed of the manicure I would get with the money I was saving… After it finished brewing I added ice to my cup and mixed it like I do at 7Eleven. I breathed in the aroma, mmm… I took a sip. Yuck!! What went wrong!?!?! Well, I had noticed that the filter was too small for my coffee pot, so maybe that’s what was wrong, I would go out and buy the right size filter. Off to 7Eleven again, no money saved.

That night Isaac was dragging my coffee carafe around the house. He picked it up to set it on the counter and when he did, he broke the carafe. Oh well, I’ll buy a small coffee pot, one that makes just a few cups. Craig doesn’t like coffee anyways. I headed to Target a few days later and left $20 lighter, but thought of all of the money I would save at the end of the month, and the months after that. I even paid extra to get the metal carafe so that Isaac couldn’t damage it. J

However, when I got home I realized the filters I had purchased were cone shaped and my new coffee pot needed the old fashioned round filters. So, I had to go back to the store and there would be no coffee from my new pot the next morning. Finally I had the right filers to go with my pot. I followed the directions to make my coffee. The aroma wafted through the house as I helped Isaac get ready for day care. When he and Craig left I eagerly went to the kitchen to prepare my iced coffee. I took a sip, YUCK!!!

On my way to work I stopped by the grocery store to pick up lunch and a soda. I was too upset to try to make my lunch and decided a Coke would help ease the pain of another failed attempt at making coffee and called my mom. “Mom! I don’t understand! Why can’t I make good coffee?!?!” I was frustrated, I mean I started out on this coffee making endeavor to save money and be more frugal. I figured that I’m not being a good steward with my allowance and I wanted to fix it. Why can’t I make coffee??

Well, I had all but given up on coffee. This week I was really bad. I stopped by Chick-Fil-A twice for breakfast earlier in the week and today I decided I wanted a milkshake or a smoothie or something for breakfast. My throat hurt and I wanted something cold. I pulled into the parking lot for Planet Smoothie, walked in ordered my smoothie and walked out to my car to head to work. I know, I know! What does ordering a smoothie have to do with becoming a better steward of my money or a coffee miracle? Well, I’m getting there!

As I put the car into drive I noticed a coffee cup sitting on the sidewalk further down the row. I thought, “well isn’t that odd?” There is a Barney’s Coffee further into the little mall area and I thought, “Hmm… Maybe their business is slow since the new Starbucks opened and they are trying to drum up business.” However, as I drove closer to the coffee cup I saw the word McDonald’s on it. As I got closer I could see that the cup said, “Take me to McDonald’s” then under that, “SERIOUSLY.” I thought what is this!? I parked my car, got out and walked over to the enormous coffee cup. It was about 3 ½ feet tall. On the cup it said that I had found a hidden cup and I was to take it to the nearest McDonald’s and to claim my prize of free Frappe’s for a year. I hadn’t even heard of the contest.

I looked around because I thought I might get arrested for picking this coffee cup off of the street. I tried to wrestle it into the backseat of the car, but it wouldn’t fit, so I put it in the trunk. I drove to McDonald’s and toted the cup into the store. The cashier knew about the contest and had to explain it to one of the managers. They took pictures and everything. It was so cool!

So, I left the restaurant and called my mom. She said, “I guess God answered your prayer. You don’t need to learn how to make your own coffee now.” We had a good laugh. When I called my husband he said the same thing. So yes, God does care about the little things. He even cared enough about my desire for yummy coffee with plenty of sugar and sweetness. He knew I have a hard time making coffee and to show He cared he lead me to a giant coffee cup and I won free coffee.

Jesus Loves Me!

“Jesus love me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, they are weak, but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! Yes, Jesus loves me! The Bible tells me so.”

Isaac and I sing this song every night that I put him to bed. He loves it, and requests multiple repeats each night. I pray that the words penetrate his heart and that he owns their truth and that in time he will make the choice to make Jesus the Lord of his life.

Last night as I put him down to bed, having already gone through the regular bedtime ritual I said our prayers and began to sing. However, something different happened last night, Isaac began to sing with me! Now, because of his cleft palate he is still suffering speech delays so the words he sang did not sound like any of the words to “Jesus Loves Me” but he was singing! It was so amazing to hear my son sing to the Lord. He was making a joyful noise and I am sure that it was even more beautiful to the ears of our Savior!

Celebrating Our First Year Together

One year ago today we boarded a plane (well several planes) and headed to to Guangzhou, China to meet our son. We left Orlando around 1 pm on October 10, 2008 and arrived in Guangzhou on October 12th at 6 in the morning. It was the longest flight ever, but we met some interesting people and had good flying experience overall. We will actually celebrate our 1 year anniversary this Tuesday, October 13th, but we wanted to head out to Epcot to take pictures in the China pavilion so we needed to celebrate a few days early. This morning we headed over to Grandma's at 10 o'clock and timed our arrival to Epcot for 11 o'clock when the World Show Case opens. Because of the Food & Wine festival about a million other people had the same idea, but it turned out to be a pretty good day and we got some good pictures.
After taking a few pictures of Isaac in his "come bounce with me" t-shirt we decided to change him into his traditional Chinese outfit for a few more pictures. He was so cute wandering along the little path that he attracted a few admirers, and sometimes it was difficult to get a shot without other people in it.

Here we are inside the Temple of Heaven. I had the hardest time getting this photo. I had 5 or 6 pictures of the pillar with an arm, a leg, or a blur. At least I got one with my handsome little guy. One of the gentlemen working at the Temple of Heaven remembered us from previous visits. He came up and visited with us for a few minutes. Isaac was a little shy at first, but eventually gave him a high five. I wanted to get a picture, but he was being so shy I didn't want to scare him or have the young man from Hong Kong think I was crazy. :o)
I had hoped to get a picture or two of Isaac near the life size replica of the Terracotta Warriors, but he was afraid of them. We settled on taking a picture WITH Mommy next to the smaller scale warriors. After our photo shoot we went to have lunch at the Nine Dragons restaurant. The food was delicious! I can never make it to the China pavilion without shopping. Isaac and Daddy had a good time coloring. While at the Fun Spot we met a family who is preparing to meet their daughter in China later this month. We were excited to meet a family on their journey as we celebrated our family today. It reminded me of when we met several couples celebrating anniversaries when we went on our honeymoon in 2004. It seemed serindipitous to meet so many couples celebrating love & family when we were celebrating the start to our marriage and it seemed equally fortunate to meet this family today. 10/13/200810/10/2009

What a difference a year makes!! He's changed in so many ways! He's gone from being a baby to a little boy!! It's hard to believe that he hasn't spent every second of his life with us. Sometimes, it's hard to imagine our lives without him in it, what did we do with ourselves before he joined our family?!

Isaac's View...

I have to say, I love baby sign language! OK, really we are learning American Sign Language (ASL) in the Stopyra home. It is so wonderful to be able to communicate with my son! If it weren't for ASL, I am sure my stress level would be unmeasurable. As it is, Isaac creates signs if he needs to say something he doesn't have a sign for. For the most part I can figure out what he wants to say and then we learn the correct sign. I hope that we can continue to learn sign as he finds his voice.

Tonight after dinner Isaac was outback with Daddy playing in the yard while Mommy washed dishes. Isaac pointed up to the moon and said, "Moooo (moon)." "Yes, that's right, that is the moon" said Daddy. Isaac looked up at Craig and back to the moon with a quizzical look on his face and make the sign "broken?" Craig was stunned for a moment, and said, "Sort of. It does look broken, doesn't it?"

It was the cutest thing in the world. When I went outside he pointed up, "Moooo" and then the sign for "sleep." "No, Isaac the moon isn't sleeping. See there it is up in the sky" I replied. He looked at me as if to say, "I give up!" Then he signed "broken?" "Well, yes Isaac. I guess it does look like it's broken" I answered. Honestly I never thought I would have to explain the phases of the moon to a two year old!

The most amazing thing is, if we weren't learning ASL we wouldn't have been able to have this amazing conversation and get a glimpse into Isaac's mind. I wish that he could share more. It was so interesting to have this exchange with him tonight.

Please pray September 3, 2009

I read about this family on one of my yahoo groups and have visited their blog. Please check out their blog at http://aladyblog.blogspot.com/ and pray dilligently for them this Thursday, September 3rd. Pray that God would protect the family and the little boy involved in this ugly and nasty custody battle.

Thank you,
Gretchen

10 months already!? WOW!!!

I can't believe it. I got up this morning and realized that 10 months ago today I woke up in a very different place with my emotions all over. It is amazing how quickly the past ten months have gone by when the months and years leading up to Isaac's adoption seemed to go at a snail's pace. My heart aches for the parents-in-waiting who still experience each month at a slow crawl. It is so hard to believe that at some point will pick up and begin to race. Sometimes I find myself holding Isaac after he falls asleep because I realize that all too soon he won't be small enough to fit in my lap when he falls asleep. I should have been doing a better job at blogging this summer, I know that I'll look back and regret that I didn't capture more memories. I know that I will never regret setting the computer aside to make those memories with my little bug. I hope that I can look back at the pictures and accurately document our first summer together.

Here is one of our first pictures together on October 13th outside of the Adoption Registry Office in Guangzhou. He was such a tiny little guy!

Here is a picture from his birthday party. So much has happened this summer. Here are a few more pictures to enjoy!

We had our first real big-boy haircut at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom on August 4th, which was the 1 year anniversary for when our LOI made it to China. That turned out to be a coincidence, but I think it's pretty cool because a year before that he was bald! It was so much fun! The barbershop quartet came in and sang. They gave him a special certificate to commemorate his first haircut. They even gave him his first pair of ears, on the back it says "first haircut." We had a very fun day. In addition to our haircut we spent a few hours in Fantasy Land. (I really do need to make a slide show!)

We celebrated with a birthday party the week before Isaac turned two because we went to Daytona Beach on Isaac's birthday weekend. Craig's parents had been at the beach on a mini-vacation of their own and stopped to spend some time with us before we headed home. Isaac loved everything about the beach.

Zoom!

The summer is speeding by. Isaac is a whirlwind! He loves to swim. We visit Grandma & Grandpa almost every day so that we can practice swimming in their pool. He has a little vest that he tolerates that we use most of the time. Sometimes we practice swimming without the vest at the start of our swimming session and sometimes we practice without it at the end of our swimming session. I think that we have the next Michael Phelps on our hands. Isaac gets so upset when we make him get out of the pool. He asks for, "More! More! More!" with his signs and sometimes has been known to jump back into the pool if I'm not quick enough getting him out. The good news is that Grandma & Grandpa have an above-ground pool so we hide the ladder to keep him out when he shouldn't be going in. I don't know how we could spend time at their house if they had an in-ground pool that lured him with the sparkling water!

Climbing up the ladder to get into the pool! "I'm a big boy. I can do it all by myself."

Mommy loves this swimsuit, but for some reason Isaac will not allow me to put it on anymore. He favors the suit with animals all over it. I need to get a picture of him in that one.

Practicing. We are working hard to use our arms and our legs at the same time. He is getting good at using them together, but doesn't have enough strength to hold himself up so we need to put a hand under his tummy. Poor little guy had to be banned from the pool for several days due to an ear infection. He was more miserable from the ban than from the infection if you ask me.

We've been to the Orlando Science Center twice this month with Isaac's big cousin. He loves her so much and thinks he can do anything she can do. She is such a good cousin and really does well with Isaac. Here they are in Grossology playing on a lifesize version of the game Operation. They both had so much fun in this room! I was amazed at how many activities were available for little guys like Isaac and how they were intermingled with activities for older kids.

Yeah!!!

We've also been to Epcot several times this summer.

We've also been to Epcot several times this summer. Grandpa works at the Animal Kingdom so we are very blessed to be able to go to visit the Disney themeparks for free. Zoe is spending time with Grandma and every week they study a new country. Friday is fieldtrip day and we go to Epcot and visit the country Zoe studied earlier in the week. The first time we visited was July 10th and we went to France. Isaac loved the music in the French movie and enjoyed eating a strawberry tart. We were supposed to visit China on the 17th, but my car's airconditioner died and it was in the shop. Zoe and Grandma went without us, but they said it didn't count because Isaac wasn't able to go.

While Zoe shopped for a souvenier and I took pictures, Isaac was able to color a mask in an art area. Until next time!

San Diego Vacation

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Summer Days!

Wow! The summer has been speeding by! I can't believe that this week we will welcome the month of July and celebrate our nation's birthday! The week after school ended Isaac and I accompanied my mom & Aunt Hubba to San Diego, CA to visit my grandmother and thier sisters and lots & lots of cousins. Isaac was a wonderful travel companion. Here we are at the start of our journey in the Tampa International Airport. Isaac looks too cool with his Starbucks water chillin' in his stroller while Mom, Aunt Hubba, and I spend a few more minutes with Tom before heading through security to find our gate. Security was "fun" even Isaac had to take off his shoes and since his stroller wouldn't fit through the x-ray scanner thing they had to wipe it down and search it.

Aunt Susan has lots of fun toys at her house!! It was like going on vacation at a toy store. Our first day at Aunt Susan's house was lots of fun. We ended our day by going out to dinner at Cozymel's a restaurant my cousin Amber works at. We ended up spending so much time visiting that Isaac feel asleep in Grandma's arms.

Isaac loves story time and his favorite book is Bill Martin, Jr. and John Archambault's Chicka Chicka Boom Boom! We read it several times every day!

Isaac kept seeing the baby cousins in the swing so he decided to check it out. It was funny to watch until he tried to make it swing faster and landed on his head. :o( With so much to do, it was hard to fit in a nap, but Isaac found a way and for that I was thankful! :o)

The San Diego Zoo!

I'll post more of our summer fun later, I'm getting tired and it's taking a while to load these photos. Isaac had a F-U-N trip to the zoo. He loved it!